Fear of loneliness? How can this be?
I am the one who chose being alone. But is it life or is it me?
I guess is one of the questions I never want to answer.
It is my choice though. I want me make it; not the fact of choosing being a lone but the choice of not answering.
Every questions I don't want to know the answer I just dream about.
All the feelings I avoid come back to me in a vivid nightmare. Not even horror books, or movies or thoughts are scary as my dreams are.
I am suppressing all I ignore. I rather bit myself during my sleep then question it during the day. I am more afraid of light than darkness because of this. It is confusing! Maybe for a normal person but not for me.
The hesitation is my self defense. It is just a perfect mechanism that helps me survive. Not even the noise, not even the relaxation state can bring me the peace I have when I don't do a thing.
I shouldn't become antisocial, but ignoring my situation can make me happy. The choice of being simple and easy can help me survive the turmoil of emotions life gives me.
